memories

to me,
you will never change...
your eyes will always the bluest ever,
your smile remains the brightest
and your heart will forever be in mine...

i still remember...
when our eyes first met...
it's like fireworks on the fourth of july...

owning the dance floor like it's yours...
the whole world stops for a second...
enchanted by your enthralling pace...
stunned, spellbound...
the rhythms you carry on so effortlessly were like the summer waves on suavo de la costa...
set to melt on reflex, the gazes of anyone it glances...

as the crowd pulls apart...
you approached me, slowly swaying me to a pavilion of our own imagination...
in this flawless melody, a perfect harmony ensembles itself...
in your arms, i break and mend...
safe and belonged whenever, wherever we are...
there and then, i can feel your breathless charm running through my veins...

alas,
a night it is...and a night it became...
my life and i are alone once more...

nevertheless...
someday, when i am awfully low...
when the world is cold...
i will feel aglow...
just thinking of you,
and the way you look tonight...

here i am...missing you every heartbeat...

amazed

~i don't know how you do what you do...i'm so in love with you...it just keeps better...i  wanna spend the rest of my life...with you by myside...forever and ever...every little thing that you do...i'm amazed by you~

as i playback the song on repeat..."amazed" WAS our song...at least i thought it was...

i class it was all about me and my best friend..we were like joint-at-the-hip no secrets hidden sort of friends you know...until you came along...

apparently, your "good-looks" caugt glimpses of many eyes at school...lucky for me...i wasn't smitten...but, my best friend was head over heels i tell ya!

my bff, tanya...was totally gazing on every oppurtunity there is...fortunate for her, all three of us had been assigned to the same class...and we were sitting on the same line straight to the back as according to the classrooms...me and her, inseparable like obviously sit on the second (me) and third (her)from the front...the messy part is that you sat right in front of us (in front of me to be exact)...from that on, tanya definitely confessed that you were THE ONE...
"yeah right" sarcastically i told her
and so...to eventually see who this guy is...i sort of tapped your chair and asked
"urm excuse me...what's your name?"
BIG MISTAKE!
when you turned your head...
it was flawless...and you smiled
evidently, we have the same name...
weird...
but my scepticism melts from the look of your eyes...
those deep black eyes are like back holes that suck the life out of whoever it meets...
and i'm lost...

being the good actress me...
the feeling died within a couple of minutes and i made believe like nothiing happened...
and yet...i know you felt it, too...
the spark..
it was a lucid and plain as the nose on your face sort of spark...
and i like it...

shaking off the amoureuse feeling...
i try to focus on getting tanya on with him...
as tanya decided to go for a new course she had to be shifted to some other classroom...
this was my chance to rid of flashing thoughts of him in my mind,
his constant rendez-vous in my sleep...

as i went to give a mano-a-mano...
i prayed my hardest...

"so, here's the thing...i'll make this short and clear, understand?"
trembling at my feet like as if i'm standing on some earthquake...
looking at those eyes again...it swallowed all my words in whole...
but, i just gotta do it...
"you know tanya?" i directly asked him
effortlessly...like as if he wasn't aware of the spell he's enchanting on me...
"urm...no...why?"
oh god! this sucks!
i hate beating around the bush...it's time consuming and absolutely pointless...
if i want them together might as well i just say it...my heart says i don't...
but my mind as a friend says i have to...
"she likes you,you know and you're gonna love her..." i said them hands down(lying)...

for a minute there...
he took his time to get back to reality as if in a dumbfounded stun...
once he's done...

out of the blue...
i hear the words that i've been dying to hear from those lips

"but I LIKE YOU..."

for a few seconds i was shooting up to heaven like a geiser!
but, once i'm back on the ground...
i just realized i had made one of the biggest NO-NOS of friendship...

I'M DEAD...

but, i didn't mind...
she's still my best friend no  matter what and i know i can get through this...
cause he would be by my side to help me along the way...

as days pass...
turns out i spoke to soon...
after a few days and all,
he sort of vanished out off my life as if he wasn't even there...
and he still hasn't turned up eversince...
asking around with the pals he's been hanging out wit...
some said he shifted because of some family thing...
some claimed he shifted school, but why is still the question...
some just said he dropped out of school(but that is just plain dramatic...he wouldn't do that...he loved school!)
whatever it is still remains as an enigma...

i decided to move on with life...
though you made me learn that

sometimes your nearness, takes my breath away...and all the things i want to say can find no voice...
therefore, in this silence...i hope that my eyes will speak my heart...

"I STILL LOVE YOU"

little things

some things in life we take for granted...

maybe i didn't love you
quite as often as i could have
and maybe i didn't treat you
quite as good as i should have

if i made you feel like you're second best
BOY i'm sorry i was blind
but i just want you to know...
you're always on my mind

and maybe i didn't take the time hold you
during all those lonely times that you need me most
the little things i should have said and done
i guess i'll never get the chance to tell you
that i'm so happy that you're mine...

i now realized that the stars i the sky don't shine anymore like they do...
because one of them is here on earth bright as ever...
however i lost my light in life...
and my nights are dark and grey as it had ever been...

the love of my life

it's always been about me, myself and i...

i thought relationships are nothing but a waste of time...

i never wanted to be any other's other half...

i was happy staying alone though it wouldn't last...

that was the only way to say that i love you...

My own ego had scorned me this time...

crap i tell you what love is...it bites you in the face..dangerous yet makes you want it more like a narcotic!

why didn't we just stick to the plan?

you and i...three months at your parents house for summer...until u can finally find a way to get back to your lovely "fiancee"

and finally the seal of the deal was that a whole lotta money...let say 6K...

DEAL!

that is more money that i would get by working at that diner across the street...

First day it was cool and all...

yeah...yeah...we had to look so "LOVEY-DOVEY"...

eew MUCH!

as far as i know...reality check...i'm a total sceptic in these romanticity thingy...

no yucky-love stuff for me, thank you...

but for the sake of dear boring all summer and humungous amount cash...

everything of me...my life...on hold...

apparently,you started it...

STUPIDLY...you accidentally became over confident of your "sweet and nicey" fiancee that you said to YOUR PARENTS you're going to bring her home for summer...

UNFORTUNATELY,you got caught up with too much work and made her tired of you,thus dumping you just before summer even begins...

EVEN MORE UNFORTUNATE...your parents are eager to see that "girl of your dreams" and yet, you're too chicken to tell them the truth afraid you might break their hearts....

LUCKILY...you met me at the bar...and knowing that i'm short on money and interest in any love life...and VOILA! you decided to hire me as your so called "fiancee"..for the whole summer only though...

no more..no less...

so, now...we're stuck here...

FYI...i don't date...well not anymore...

i guess self-esteem in being "with" guys are just not there anymore...

sorry not interested...

oh well...it's been a month perhaps...

i'm not sure...i lost count...

however...i think our acting had been really good cause your mum and dad including sarah and not forgetting bella the pomeranian doesn't suspect a thing...

our love game we're soo good, it's believable...

and for a minute or maybe a second there...i believed it...

anyways...

puh-leez...i ain't going to fall for no one...

especially you...

you're so...cliche...blonde...perfectly tanned and tonned and still look effortless of being it...

and i can't help to stare at those blue eyes whenever we fake kisses in front of everybody...

they are just so calm and soft and gentle like the waves of the caribbean beach...

and for that...

I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!

(that was IRONIC i know)

now it's the second month and somehow...we're still here...

i see that you have somehow developed a weird habit of laughing and smiling whenever i smile or laugh...

awkward...i noe we're just role-playing...but as i said..it was believable...

other than that, we seem to always be hanging out together...

well...most of them are because of reasonable reasons absolutely...

there's this once, everyone went to the beach and you preferred to stay to "CARE for me" caused i got this dumb leg injury (it's summer...a little walk at the forest backyard wouldn't hurt...and so i thought until i stumbled upon this huge toadstool, and end up being in this giant-sized pit)

by the way, you treated me nicely..which is weird but nice...

however most of the time we would discuss on tactics and strategies to win-back his ex-fiancee...

so, three months had past us by...and without knowing what we had...we went our separate ways...as we have always been...

it's been three months from the three months we had spent together...
seriously,you opened that lock of mine in my heart...to accept love,

to love and BE LOVED...

life is short i guess...

by the way...i received that invitation you gave me...

don't worry..i'll be sure to be there...

to witness the love of my life's wedding with the love of HIS life...

i will wait for you

o romeo,o romeo...wherefore art thou romeo?

hmmph...honestly i bet half the women in the world that are in the midst of being courted...or even wanting to be pursued by the person that she would love entirely...are all wishing hard to the twinkling stars at every starry night there is...

is it true that there is our romeo is somewhere out there?

l'espoir est ale d'un rêveur
(hope is a dreamer's ale)

and that is certainly and should be....the statement of the century...

but what if we did manage to find our "knight in shining armour"?
and yet...we let him slip away?
well...this is one perfect example of what happens when you're prince charming isn't looking at you as his cinderella...

it was a beautiful summer morning...the birds are chirping a wonderful melody waking all those who are still asleep and spreading joy to the neighbourhood....the sun was just perfectly forgiving...

it seemed to be going lovely...
since it is summer...mes parents had enrolled me in this literature class that i had been promised since my last birthday...

today is the day! the day that i have been waiting for...
since father is stationed to verona for the whole summer...
i had to go to the class by public transport;...in this case...i chose to ride the bus...

in there as i stepped in...the seats were all full...except for one...
the one next to some weird-looking kid...he got this raven black hair that sweeps over his left eye mysteriously, a curved up smile that looks more like a frown if you ask me...
at first, i hesitated myself from even coming closer to that peculiar being...
sooner than i thought my legs cramped and without a choice...i just had to take that seat...
he didn't seem to be annoying, nor is he pleasant...in fact, he doesn't seem to even bother that there is a living human being sitting beside him...
he was too busy looking blankly out from the window...
i know i might regret my next move...and badly i did...
i asked him,

"hi my name is JULIET...what's yours?"

like an eagle's glare at his next lunch...his piercing eyes shot at me,causing me to just zip my mouth shut for the rest of the journey...

i promised to my dear frightened self to never ever talk to him again...that also applies to guys of his kind...

anyways...now that i have arrived at my destination...there's no need for me to keep this enmity to this person...i believe that a clean and forgiving heart are always the happiest...

when i drop off right in front of the building...he went out too...
i can't help myself from thinking that he might be stalking me...
and perhaps later kidnap me and demand father ransom money in order to retrieve me back safely...
what if he doesn't have enough money and i am later slaughtered into 50 pieces and distribute every part to each state...
NO!
okay...perhaps i am exagerating a little...or a lot...well i cannot stop myself from being a drama queen, can i?

i calmed myself down...and pace myself to the door...he followed me in...
turns out all my dilly-dallying dreams are just a faux alarm that i created...
well...he is also a student there...he's sort of new here in the US...
so, he doesn't know much english...

despite all his appearance and all...he seemed to be a sweet guy...
nice and all...
contrary of how he is in the bus...
he seemed to be quite eloquent and friendly in his own ways...
he's french by the way...
and so, we became quite friendly together since i can speak french(thanks ma! the class is really much help now that i see it)
but one thing that excites me the most is ...because his father is an italian...his name is very,very italian-like...
can you guess what it is?
well...it is the name that goes perfectly with mine...

OUI!
(yes!)

the name that he carries is ROMEO...
now tell me...how many people in this world bears the name...believe me...the numbers are quite diminishing, despite the infidelity of the world towards the magnificent love story...

and to meet me...JULIET...in an ambience where we are strictly learning shakespeare's masterpieces...it's like as if...fate had somehow written it especially for us...match-made in heaven?

well it seems that it is all in my mind...or is it?

everyday...in the bus...we would be in the same seat as how it has been the first time...
except that now, we would be talking...
literature strictly...

"like how he agrees on why titania should be punished because of her ego..."
"how prospero was so cool having ariel under his command..."
"and also about his grief on why romeo killed himself when he found out about JULIET's "death"..."

the last one surprised me...as when he said it...he suddenly stopped and our eyes we're intertwined into a deep gaze...after a while he shook the trance away and calmly said that if it was him...he would at least live life  and not just let JULIET's "death" to waste...
he thinks that if he had thought differently...he might even get back his JULIET as she is not even dead in reality...just in a really deep slumber, thanks to the drug...

every word that he said somehow..makes me think that he might be realting this to us...
unfortunately it did not last...
after all the days that we spent together...
you broke my heart...
my heart went to shatter like a mirror breaking into a million pieces...

on that one thursday...how unlucky of me to look out from the class window when i shouldn't have...
if ONLY i can turn back time...

i saw you and KATHERINA...kissing at the park behind the building...

witnessed by the crimson and golden sunset...

how romantic, how stupid of me not to see that...

being an egoist and also a good friend...
i'm not going to say a thing and let that be his secret for me to keep...

years past by,
i didn't say i stopped hoping from that day...
i'm still waiting for my ROMEO,doesn't matter who or where you are...
tomorrow,tomorrow,tomorrow..
i would forever be true...
as constant as the northern star...

cause eventhough THIS JULIET would have to wait her whole life for her ROMEO to wake up from his sleep...
I AM willing to wait...

the pearls that are left

on a cold and dark night, with the rain pouring like cats and dogs...so gloomy the atmosphere was...and there... on the dull pavement...all silent and blue...

lies a set of pearls that are scattered all over the floor like how the raindrops are wetting the lifeless gray granite and tar grounds...

how did it get there?

Well...it all began with the guy...the guy who is called...Flick Anderson...

who is he? well he was the guy who was the talk of the town...being all so dashing and smart...handsome and with golden hearts...a dear thing that catches every maiden's eye...

with his charms he might get any girl or women that he desires...

but no he's not that of a kind that would be fooling around...womanizing with as many as he can...

he's a guy with strong principles to find the true love he may find...and cherish her with whatever she wants...not letting her down even for a second...

for he is a remarkably honest man who longs for true love...

he once said that he wouldn't mind that

"even if his love would show up when he is torn and gray...

for he knew that true love...
it doesn't count with age..just like how other powerful things in the world
are immortal..."

it happened to him that he didn't need to wait till his hair are silver lined as he found his "LOVE" through the usual fortnight ascott on that budding may on a delightful afternoon..

she was a petite girl with a heart-shaped face that blushes and blooms like a full blossomed rose...her eyes are like dew drops of the auspicious mornings..so fresh and blue...her manners are absolutely thriving as what he could observe...but most of all she has the most beautiful voice that could enchant everyone that hears her serenade...

and that immediately does caught his eye...and definitely no doubt his heart...

and for a few months it has been a beautiful love story in the making for both of them...

and soon after that a proposal followed through...

few weeks before the marriage is to taken place...

unfortunately for him...

his company met with a dreadful most terrible loss that somehow pulled his whole income and future life of him and of the one he loves down...

how tragic...

but not a single soul knows of this matter...it is only between him and the people that he made business with...

and just three days before marriage...

he still hasn't came up with the courage to put off the wedding for he fear that she might leave him (but on the contrary...she might understand...who knows)...

instead he chose to actually cover up all the loss he had...

and with that in such a short time..

as he was strolling down the empty street thinking of what he's going to do...he suddenly saw a white figure right in front of him who was waiting at the bus stop...

and she was alone...

with her she wore this really huge pearl necklace...

judging by what he sees...

that pearl necklace is worth a couple of grands the least and with that he might fix things up a little...

he slowly naturally....paces towards her and...

SNAP!

pulled the necklace from her neck!

the lady screamed in pain and tries to pull him down with a few blows of her purse bag...

unfortunately for the girl...

with just one force as his reflex to push the person aside...she hit on the brick wall behind her and fainted...

"did i just kill her? oh no...i think she's still breathing...it's okay if i leave her i think..."

and off he went...

feeling a little awkward of what he has done...

he stopped and look at the crime that he had done on his hands...

those pearls are so valuable...so moneyworthy and somehow so familiar...

as he pay attention closely to the small locket attached to the string of pearls...

it says

"to my dear AMBER, love FLICK"...

tick-trick-tick-trick..

falls the string of pearls on the soulless damp ground...

these pearls are the ones that he exact ones that he proposed to MARIA AMBER...

THE maria amber...

the LOVE of his life!

OH MY GOD...

ashamed of what he did...the pearls are all left unattended...as he rushes to AMBER...

racing through his mind is definitely undefined...

he was confused, frustrated,irritated, and disgusted of what he did....

he would not even dare to say NO to hurt fear of she might be hurt, let alone hurting her with unimaginable violence as what he just did...

now in the pouring rain..she lay there...so tranquil like...not a sound...

"is she dead?"he questioned himself...

"did i just...no i didn't...did i? did i kill her?"

as his steps draws him closer to her...

he cannot bear anymore thoughts in his mind to utter a single word...

he kissed her faint pale lips...hoping that his true love's kiss would awaken her as how those that in fairytales did...

but she didn't...

she's DEAD..

.

he cried, and cried as how the sky is crying to...

the ambience was too sombre and in despair...

as if it was destiny, his heart suddenly stopped beating...

the pressure he felt was too much that he caused his own death...

well...

i suppose his heart wasn't even there anymore...

it followed amber back to heaven...

and now his soul is following her, too...

a love like juliet's

Doubt thou, the Starres are fire,
Doubt, that the Sunne doth moue:
Doubt Truth to be a Lier,
But neuer Doubt, I loue.

shakespeare's piece of ode from hamlet is a simple treasure yet unimaginably divine...


it holds a huge meaning...
forever can we doubt and deny everything or anything in the eternal universe...but not even once crossed through our little minds to doubt the one we love...


here in the middle of the crisp night...accompanied by stellars...and the gleaming moon glow...
i waited for you...
you called me this morning...
saying you had something important to say...i don't know...
perhaps you had finally gotten two tickets for both of us to watch ASTON VILLA as how you promised...(you did promised it right?)
or maybe, you wanted me to get me all straighten up about who threw the salad first on cafeteria...(well it seems like it was me but it was david...he started the food fight and i got the blame..."just great!")
or probably, you just wanted me to help you out with those maths crunches...or those "amazingly" difficult science theories that you never manage to stuff in that little brain of yours?


whatever it is...you better come quick...it's now like eight or something...my curfews at ten...and i ain't going to waste petty time waiting for you here,leaving me in the cold...
ARE YOU LEAVING ME IN THE COLD?


oh well...never mind that...anyways as the time feels like it's been years...5 minutes had passed by...
i worn out of energy to stand up...so...i lied down on the floor...facing the stars...
this reminds me of the days when you would connect the stars and make some constellation of yours...none of them are listed you know...who has the giant duck? i bet there's a bear and a huge scorpion...but A DUCK?
you are officially a nutcase...but you're MY NUTCASE...so i guess that's okay:)


as i'm wasting life away on the dewed lush meadow of the park...
my mind continues to ponder on possibilities...
what if...you came to tell me...that you're now busy with your football practices that we would not be able to walk to school anymore?
what if...you're telling me that you got bored of me outsmarting you in class?(well it is not my fault that i studied and you didn't!)
what if...you're going to say you're moving to some place else?
what if...you say...that you're going out with someone else and eventhough we have been best of buds since we even know how to make friends you're afraid that she might get jealoused and you want me to move on and find another bestie to hang out with?
i know you've always said LEA the front cheerleader was hot and all..i didn't think you would ditch me for her...eew much!
or...
what if...YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE?


heartbeat racing from 93 to118 perminute and fast!
god i need him to be here...i don't want to lose him...
what if he's not even coming...he's really going to leave me here ALONE?


SUDDENLY!


*PAT*
soft pat on the shoulders startled me...almost caused my heart to skip a beat and could result in cardiac arrest...
phewh...then a familiar voice voiced out...


"hey jules! sorry i'm late...i was kinda stuck just now with..."
and without him finishing his sentence i turned myself around and grab hold of him...hugging the best hugs these two hands of mine could ever deal with in their whole entire existence...


"it doesn't matter..."
reality checking for a moment...why in a world am i hugging him?
releasing him whilst trying to make sense of it all...
"now that you're here...what is it that you wanted to tell me?"


looking into those dark eyes...i can never tell what dirty little secrets they hold...


"here's the thing...you know about those tickets i can't get them..."you said
"shush...don't say a word...it's okay...who wants them anyway" explained dear old considerate me
"well if you say so...but that's not why i'm here...i called you cause i...i...urm...i",you stuttered
impatiently being a little temperish and annoyed easily i am...i accidentally scared your wits out when i screamed "CAUSED YOU WHAT?"
and then you finally got it out of your system...
"I MISS YOU"


 those three words were weird and awkward...especially when it comes from you...
and well...i smiled...you stared into my eyes and said it slowly now...
"i really, really miss you"


the rest is history...i guess most of you can figure it out yourself...
after all that what ifs and mere and ridiculous thoughts of what you would do to me...
it turned out pretty well...

WHAT and IF are 2 words non threatening as words can be. Put them together side by side and they have to follow and want you for the rest of our lives. WHAT IF, WHAT IF. I dont know how a story should be ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never to late. And if it was true then, why not it can be true now. You need only the courage to follow your heart. I dont know the love like Juliet's, love to leave love ones, love to cross oceans for, but i like to believe, if I ever would feel it, that i have the courage to seize it...

owh and by the way...i still beat him in class _(~_^)_

forever your name on my lips

i still remember the look on your face...
when you whispered those sacred words for just us to know...
it looked all so real...and i believed


you told me you loved me...but why did you go?

i do recall now the smell of the rain that falls on the grass of the neighbourhood park..
at our beloved creek just next to where the love fairies dwell...
that night when you put your arms around me simply because you missed me...
i still hear your heartbeat goes frantic and calm at the same time...
like as if it's jumping out of your shirt...but i was too busy feeling your embrace...
i didn't bother to notice..
until now...

DO YOU STILL REMEMBER?

on prom night...?
you dropped by with your classic cadillac...
i really loved your handshake with daddy...
it's sooo honest and brave...
daddy has always been the OVERPROTECTIVE sort...
but, he went easy on you...
and while you waited...you put your hands in your pockets...
i know your nervous at that time..
but i had to look my best for you...

and when we arrived in school...you swiftly pulled me into the hall...
then,with your dashing charms and smiles you came in with the swing of your steps..
being the life of the party...
you're showing off again...
i wouldn't mind unless those girls aren't eyeing on you...
but they did...
on reflex, i rolled my eyes...hoping you would noticed...
and you did...
then the serenade starts...
you brought me to the dance floor...
you know i'm not much for dancing...but for YOU i did...

not sure if you noticed...
i've never had much to say...
because most of the time you would kiss me while i'm in the middle of saying something...
and then, you woud understand it later what i meant to utter...
now i really miss all those rude interruptions...

but things had to go wrong do they?

two weeks ago you left...
you had an accident...
god had to take your life away from me...
because i suppose he loved you more and got jealoused of us together...

so now...
i'll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep,
and i'll feel you forget me like i used to watch you breathe,
at times i call up our old friends just to remind me of how you were..
hope it's nice, whereever you are...

night and day i pray that we'll soon be united once again...
"forever your name on my lips" 

your guardian angel

i pray that you'll always be alright..wit or without me...i know you can manage in life...because whatever happens..no one can take me away from you...for my body is here...but my soul is in YOU...

i look closely at the sky...as how the sunshine morning les lumiere fades...giving in to the noirs night...i guess that is life...they give and take...

in this LOVE STORY...i can see none of those...because our life is our only...nobody could ever intrude and tell us what to do...at least that is what i think it is...

it all started as a simple high school sweethearts...nothing more...a mere fling...you mon amour, FARRELL ADAM, the school's heartthrob quarterback with dashing blonde hair and electric blue eyes that would make you feel like diving into every time you see them...and me,MINERVA ASTRID, a lovely, petite et mans girl with brains and beauty...
HOW PERFECT IT MAY SEEM...

unfortunately...sad as it may sound,all good things must come to an end...

on 31st september 2004, graduation came...everyone and all...said and done...goodbyes and thank yous...good lucks and congratulations...all except the two of US...you and me...

under the white willow tree that we often mark as OUR sanctuary and rendezvous...that's the first place that we met eye to eye...it's all thanks to TIANA, my crossbreed siamese-persian kitty cat...she went up the tree...what else would i do? thank god i could climb up the enormous tree...and as i careful cradle TIANA in my hands...i just realize..i cannot climb down!!! then u came along, offering help...out of the blue like a guardian angel...you caught me swiftly as i fell into your strongly build arms...you caught me swiftly, so effortless...
i knew exacty at that moment...
i did not only fall from a tree...
but also...
fall in love...WITH YOU...

too bad that we're going to put it all away now...
and move on with our REAL life...

even so, i told you..."MY HEART WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH YOU"
you smiled, and turned you face away(crying i hope)...

alone in this cruel world we went our separate ways...

i don't know what you do these past few years or how it had been for you...
but i know that mine went smoothly...after wonderful years in college i finally got my degree in cutting people up in the name of saving lives...or short for MBBS(bachelor of medicine and bachelor of surgery) or even simpler...i became a very wise doctor...very focused...flawlessly meticulous and no nonsense sort of person...i did not become a snob -NO!...i just sort of heartless and lack of emotions...cause my heart was left with you, remember?

definitely...reading from the last line above...you would have guessed that i have no love life at all...indeed you're partially correct...i did found love...however it's with my work...typical, i know right?

BUT MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE FOREVER...

on 31st september 2011...after my usual sip of coffee and milk...
i went of to work only to find on my desk a new case under the name of FARRELL ADAM...

why does that sound familiar?

anyway, the guy has a

severe cardiac arrest in unstable angina

caused by what i might guess...a workaholic lifestyle as mine...

oh well...back to work i will...as i go for my first inspection to my ill patient...only to be surprised by what i see with my two hazel eyes...it was THE FARRELL ADAM...MY FARRELL ADAM...right away...i know that i cannot do this operation...i won't have the slightest bone in my body to hurt him, let alone stick my very sharp scalpel into his gentle chest...

as i back out from the ward...i went over to check whether any transplants are availale on this short notice...NONE...NOT EVEN ONE HEART IS AVAILABLE IN OUR TRANSPLANT BANK...

there and then...i know what to do...

three years had passed by so fast as how the wind kisses on our faint cheeks...autrefoir, your thoughts had always been in my mind...your scent lingers around me so often, even you we're so far away...but now i feel so close...so close that i could feel the beat of your heart day and night, as long as you are still alive...i will to...i did tell you did'nt i? that "my heart would always be there for you"?...i guess...some things are just so unexplainable...never mind...everything is fair in LOVE...

LIVE WELL MON AMOUR,you we're my guardian angel long time ago...and now..i am YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL...but i might want back my heart, once your time on earth is done...make sure you come and find me to return OUR HEART back...

SIGNED,
your guardian angel

soulmates

Love is like snowflakes that melts in the palm of your hands...
they are excrutiatingly gentle to the touch...
retreats at the single presence of heat...
unfortunately...they seem to always leave you in the cold...alone...

till now i always make things out on my own...
i never really cared until i met you...
and now at times it chills me to the edge of my bones...
at times what made me feel so alone...
though you we're there...

it's true what we had between us we're simply just what i would say...an slight encountance...a brief company...a friendly departure...friends we are...and nothing more in thought i suppose to you...

however i am puzzled with myself...if you are only a friend...

why in a world do i keep on waiting for the calls that you rarely give...

the laughs that you vaguely pursue...
the harsh hurts right in the middle of my chest whenever you telling me of your lovely encounter with OTHER formal rendezvous of the opposite gender(nobody in particular)...

Jealoused i am it may sound...
albeit, i never halted you...not even once i denied my absolute joy on knowing you moved on...
odd it may seem...
i felt hurt...
and the chills kept on coming...
at times i thought i had a serious rare disease or something...peculiarly...the GP just told me to keep smiling...saying it is just a mere LOVE BUG away symptoms...

sounds treacherous ay?

oh well...whatever it is..it keeps on bugging me...
i still get restless nights...

loss of appetite

(though it works wonders for my diet regime)...
and some say...i sort of lost my charms and glow...

OH MY!

i better find a cure and FAST!....i don't think i want to end up as one of the ADDAMS FAMILY...if you know what i mean...

toodle-loo...gotta go now...please leave any suggestions once this is read...MERCI BEACOUP!

ode of love

LOVE is always patient and current,
It is NEVER jealoused,
LOVE is NEVER boastful or conceited,
It is NEVER rude or selfish,
It does NOT take offence and it's not resentful...
:)

care me with your thougts...

today is a sunday...
Lame,lame sunday it has begun...
as i woke up in the morning realising that my "smarty pants" boyfriend had just flown to AUSTRALIA continuing his studies...
okay okay...
i got mad as i should be when you knew that your boyfriend would leave you for a hell-ong of a time and not telling you earlier so you could prepare for the worst and all...
i got mad...we fought...
he had no rights in winning any of our fight and he gave in...
and i dumbly asked for a break-up in which now i regret most...

as if the day gets any better,
that on a snowy morning such as this i had some extra volunteer working to attend to in my "beloved" high school's programme at the general hospital...
after some nags and "word wars" with mum...
i finally gave in when she used her blackmailing tactics of grounding me and stuff...veto authorities such as her would be better off in the politics than at home i reckon...

my pace on the snow became faster as the cold of the ice is really getting into my bones...
.............................................................................
here in the hospital i am suppose to assist all kinds of people...
kids, senior and if i'm lucky...teens such as me...
though they're not as uck as i am to be on the bedsheets being sick...

as if by fate, i did get paired up with a teen...
her name is michelle allison...
actually allison had been in and out of gh because of her third stage leukimia...
pity for such a beautiful brown-eyed, auburn haired girl with such petite latin likeness of her...
to be in such state...

whenever we're together...we would share our stories of our boyfriends together...unfortunately this time...i'm boyfriendless...
we started talking and when we came to the part of the bf thingy...
i broke down into tiny pieces...she was startled as if there's one person who should be crying it wshoud have been michelle and not me...
then michelle said...

"girl...we often shed our egos on the wrong people...and in my opinion...you should not be too hard on him...you should always give him another chance...always...
if you feel hurt at what he has done to you...remember the good times you had together...that always heals...
my freddy(allison's anonymous boyfriend)had been crying for days lately as how you you are crying now as he fears of the fact that i would leave him and the world soon...
he fears of the loneliness that would befall on him...
but,knowing this i want him to be strong for himself and also for me...
everyday i would tell him that i will always be alive in his mind and heart...

i believe the secret to our "everlasting" relationship was that we held on to these words...

"listen to me with your eyes,
touch me with your words,
feed me with your love,
and care me with your thoughts..."

and i think the last line is what he will do mostly after this..."


like it had been waiting for the moment...
a long-held teardrop in her eye...
an innocent teardrop fell like a piece of diamond on a pale-like angelic face of allison...running down her still rosy but fading cheeks down to her thin half smile lips...
in my head...with my eyes glued to allison...
i realise that love doesn't actually means that he had to see him all the time...
knowing all that he does by putting him right under your nose...
no...
that's not what love is...
loving someone means that you sometimes have to give him/her the space that he/she deserves
that includes studying and being away for a verrrrryyyy long time)

days pass by like the falling leaves in autumn...
slowly but, meaningful...

eventhough i still miss him today...and i know that somewhere out there...he misses me too...and i am not going to let him miss me alone...

p.s>>>R.I.P Michelle Allison Krest

truth in love

right...
now i feel awkward on my pen knowing that out there the down-right possibilities of the person i so loved...
is reading this blotch of writing(more like typing
UNBELIEVABLE...

Sometimes...I deliberately think and say quietly to myself...that i am a very straight,open-minded, the "who-cares-what-other-people think" sort of person...
but, deep down in me...
i know that, that is not who i really am...

to be honest to the world...
each and one of us are experiencing the same problem...
we tend to be "shy" and "timid" about expressing the love we feel...
in the name of fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves,we hesitate to say the actual words...

we try to communicate the idea in other words like "take care" or "hav a good day" or even "be good"...

but, really...thesea are just other words to say the sacred ILY...
Humans are really weird huh???
The only things we wanted to say and the things that we should say ,are the ones that we don't say at all...
and yyet...because the feeling is so real...we are driven to potray them in other words or signs to say what we really mean...
unfortunately for us....humans are no MIND-READERS...
and most of the time...the message never gets communicated and
...in the end the person would be left feeling devastated, unloved and unwanted...

sure...
at times...there are moments where both would accidentay blurt the word...
and confusingly say that it is "a friend sort of love to each other"...
NOTE OF REMINDER : DO NOT EVER DO THAT...
based on experience...it actually means that it would either...
dampened the hopes of ever getting together...
and finally...
both moving on...
if both of them are lucky...both of them would move on...
if not, one or both of them are going to be the most miserable people on earth...

truly, sadly, deeply, madly,
love is crazy thing that a human could venture...
and to be shy about that is definitely a regret in advance...

why do we believe...

Today as lame as it is...
As I facebooked(don't tell me your not addicted to it yourself)...
I had accidentally bumped into a sort of realization by reading some likekitty icon from a friends info wall...
it wrote...

"Why do we close our eyes when we pray? when we cry ? when we dream ? or even when we kiss ? Because we know that the most beautiful things in ife are not seen, but felt by the heart..."

In some ways, deep in me, I bet that a majority of you would agree...
What you see can be quite deceiving...

people keep on saying to see is believing...
but for me...
what i feel is much true than what i see...
like faith with god...
like the feelings we feel...
like the wind that brushes through our hair on a windy day...
all of them are not to be set with the two pair of eyes...
but, with the smalls gestures of our hearts and mind...

just imagine...we see all these world-liness with our eyes...
then, all of sudden we close them...
we see nothing...
it's pitch dark...
and we keep on thinking we're alone...
but, that's wrong...
'cause in times like this would make us open our minds that the connection of us with god and also our own feelings are the only thing that's left...

with that i end this with a spill of thought...

our eyes see what is only in front of our eyes...

but, with our hearts we see more than the world could ever offer...

i'm :)

today apparently i had this late nite tv-watchin...
not something my mum would actually approve...
but, i have no regrets at all as it was like soooooo nice,romantic,sweet and a must-see episode...

the story was a series sitcom

...WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE...
third season-episode 28 (alex saves mason)

it was about this witch girl named ALEX whose boyfriend named MASON being spellbound becoming a very furry alaskan wolf...

(he was cute in any which form he is though)

then after some hitch and bounds they manage to find a way to shift him back to his human form...

the first try was kinda unsuccessful as they missed out just one teeny tiny instrument called an...idk...
turning MASON into a somesort of werewolf with fur on the eyelids...

that's when the whole drama starts...
ALEX was kinda,sorta,but really actually feeling a bit awkward bringing him around...
she even decided to masks on wit newspapers wit eyeholes cut out so that nobody sees them...
when the truth finally comes out...ALEX accidentaly spilled the beans on her embarrassment on her BEAU'S looks...OBVIOUSLY...if I was MASON...i would be hurt too...so he went out to the elevator on his way down and out of the party...

at that point, HARPER aka weirdo and also ALEX'S bestfriend forever made ALEX realize that

"it doesn't matter what people think of us...
cause what we think matters most...
at that point her love towards MASON goes beyond the meltdown accent and handsome-ity"

and at that, she magically went to the elevator apologized...
what happened next was sweet...
as then she accepted him just the way he is...
with or without hair all over...
though he did change back to his real HANDSOME DEAD DROP GORGEOUS FIGURE in the end...

what i learnt was that...

"true love does not see what's on the outside...
but what's deep down in the heart and that is what really counts..."

oxy morons in love are simply ingenius!

the topic of my today babbles are

oxy morons are definitely the best ways of expressing ur love in the most unforgettable way...

u don't believe me?

here's some proof...

heard of the song...

Hate that i love you by neyo feat rihanna?

well that's one example of it...
how can you hate someone you love?
easy...it's cause you want them to love you more than you love them...
see how both things actually contradicts and yet...
it means you still need that someone by your side without saying you want him badly till it hurts...
saying you love him so much that u think its best to hate him makes a whole lotta sense...
awkwardly true...

then, there's the song by eminem featuring rihanna the heartbreaking "love the way you lie"...
its a total masterpiece...

i totaly get it to feel like you are so mad at how the one you love is becoming the one person who picks us up when we're down only to serve their pleasure to hurt us once again...

and yet...
you like the fact that this is happening right in our lives...
love is an amazingly foolish attempt of intelligence...
HOWEVER...
the thing is...humans like you and me...
have a this keen common sense in us that starts with letter E...
YES...you guessed it...

it's

pathetically...it applies to both guys n girls...
that's why some are still left single in this world...
cheers to me too...as being single means i still keep my ego high...
but, sure...lucky 4 those who manage to find the "right one"...
back to the story, ego is the reason some things are

...just unagreeable...
...love unaccepted...
...prefering to say "sheesh, couples are sooo overrated"...
...and also the term "single is fun"...

honestly, i'm in that group...
and by confessing it, means i still think there's a place in this mad,MAD world for us few people...

a room to be not in the lovers category...a space to able to put a status on facebook as SINGLE...

looking in the mirror,
gazing at the calendar,
something tells me deep inside,
that it's time to take another step in reality and live my life as just the girl next door...

for those who wishes to continue being in love...don't stop doing it...cause there's also a part of the world that needs you too!

insomnia

"falling in love is when the girl of your dreams falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in your dreams..."

As days turn to nights, I constantly search to find the working remedy in order to mend a broken heart...
on all the stores I've been...not a single one sells heart glue or sticky tapes...

i think glues n stick tapes are useless maybe...

hmmph ...

guess the broken record tape in my head that keeps repeating, telling myself that i cannot miss you anymore now that you're gone is simply crap and eventually nonsense to my very intelligent conscience...

Never thought that this time would ever exist...
I noe i must be strong...and i must let go, since we cannot say anymore what our hearts must know.

One itsy,bitsy problem, my 132-IQ brain can't work coherently in harmony with my heart as the heart is stoned stubborn...
Yeah...Yeah...What you say is not what you actually feel...
The denial is hard...but accepting you is harder...
What is dear helpless me able to do?
this question is like a a chemistry paper 3 essay question...it's either that or nothing...

Second case, Sure...I could never find a way to erase the precious memories...How does one actually walks away from memories is still a mystery...To me, why don't we keep the nostalgia because perhaps they only live in our minds and heart ...

Right now,
what I think is best to do,
is close both eyes...
and pretend that it had all been over...
At least, that'll clear away any hopes between us...
Much easier for my brain to interpret...

Hope that this would resolve my insomniatic nights and sleepless dreams...
Bon nuit...

being more than friends? I dun think so...

Trust me...

Love is pain...
Love is full of hurt...

Looking at my friends...
How they seemed to feel so happy, on top of the world feel and then, ccrashed down...deep nose dive to the ground...
OUCH!!!
I dun take risks i suppose...so, I dun think I'll be in that situation
imagine:::

˙˙˙ʎɐʞo s,ʇı ʞuıɥʇ ı˙˙˙sı ʇı ɟı˙˙˙noʎ ɟo ǝsnɐɔǝq sıɥʇ sı˙˙˙pɐǝɥ ʎɯ uı ƃuıuunɹ suoıʇoɯǝ ɥɔnɯ ooʇ˙˙˙ǝʇısoddo ǝɥʇ ʎllɐʇoʇ ƃuıoƃ sı plɹoʍ ʎɯ ǝʞıl˙˙ƃuoɹʍ os lǝǝɟ ı op ʎɥʍ ʇnq˙˙˙noʎ ǝʌol ı

NO WAY, HOSE!
it ain't okay one bit...to me...call me a sceptic or whatever but, i guess i am...i believe that when you actually find the right one...they wouldn't make you feel like that one bit...sure it seems like fun for awhile...dangling on a string of thread that seems so thin and invisible...but, i bet ya that once you fall...it is definitely going to leave a scar and a memory of the pain FOREVER...

that's why they "fall in love"...not any other word fits best than that...

Okay...enough pessimisting for today...
i'm off to bed...no more waiting for your phone calls...i'm meeting my prince in my dreams...and let you dream of yours alone...LATER...

omg...its like a hit on the head!

blinded by love

tick-tock-tick-tock...

time passes by...

five years definitely went by...

like a blink of an eye...

and u...

u changed me...

how to say this...i think this analogy fits...

at first, indeed my everyday life was like the night,it was pitch-dark and cobalt blue...

but it wasn't that hard to see as my eye's night vision was constantly assisted by stars like friends and family,goals that i see was clear back then..

but i wasn't determined really,wasn't that confident in my own decisions...

then, u came along out of the blue, shooting across the sky like a BRIGHT meteorite...u aided me with light and brightness of LOVE that no one had actually shown me before...
and that made me really,really happy...

All of a sudden,
seconds after that u decided to leave...

to the other side of the horizon...

to shine at another part of the world...

moving on with your journey...

and now...
i'm alone...
i bet the sky is still the same starry sky...
i thought nothing's changed...
but, i was definitely wrong...
ur strong love that had sparkled my eyes now blinded my sight...
now, i'm lost...i see nothing...just total darkness...

p.s>i noe ur out there...but sorry...my heart is closed...as how my eyes are...

words are just words...

I'm beginning to believe that it is true as they say...A word is just a word 'till you actually mean what you say. Sometimes..I think the song "when you say nothing at all" by Ronan Keating is a total genius I tell ya...meeting you was like match made in heaven with the same passion and the same principle...definitely...I thought you were mine for keeps, but who are us to know what lies in the future...

Sorry for the late intro...My name is Diane...My joined-at-the-hip pals call me Deedee...my mom calls my Anne(as in she really wanted me to have traditional nicknames),both i don't like at all...not hating them...it's just that i like people calling me Diane...just like how u did...

Anyways...

It all started when my dear beloved working 24/7 businesswomen cum mother decided to enrol me in some Music class...As usual I am hesitant to anything that would actually bring me to the public civilization...sheesh...

Unfortunately, using her cunning expertise of blackmailing(can't find another nicer word to that)...She talked me into attending the lessons in trade for an Oreo ice blog for every classes that i go for...being helplessly naive to the grand sweetness of the yummy treat,The deal was made...

Here I am now...After a LOOOOOONNNGGGG 15 minute drive to YAMAHA music studio from home...

One thing...I like the fact that the air conditioning is functioning so I don't have to sweat to death with a six string dangling in my arms...though that would look totally classic...

Second...god! I could actually go deaf! Imagine a 20 ft by 20ft room packed with seven (just SEVEN) guitar enthusiast excluding the deserved being pitied tutor could make a whole lotta racket that could actually make Avril's concert to shame...ALL of them were contributing to the twang's except me...and sum other guy...

he seemed settled...not moving much of his guitars...unlike the hooligans here he ain't showing any air flips or posting a signboard saying "look at me"...

he's just minding his own business...and ...honestly,truthfully...I kinda like that...

I guess it wouldn't hurt if I said hi...And it didn't, a short hello and he smiled as if a child had been given his Xmas present on a snowy morning...however...he just did that...nothing replied...feeling a little fish-out-of-water...I took a step away but halted surprisingly being grabbed at the hand...

I turned and like magic my honey glazed eyes got glued to those aqua blue iris of yours...signalling to sit...

and I did...which is the best choice making I had ever done in years!

Days pass...and close friends we had become...you are STILL the quiet you...Actually I have never heard u speak at all...even on the day that you asked me to be your girlfriend...it was all said and done by song...just the instrumental piece by Bruno Mars...and a necklace that engraved the word A...for Alex i suppose...

How I missed saying your name...I really do

Downright on the 16th of march 2006 I decided to play u a song I composed especially for your birthday...I know you loved all of the songs i write because of me...not because they sound nice...and that what makes them special...Alas, I was disappointed as you didn't attend class on that particular day...and the next...and consecutively for five days...

My enquiry nature cannot stand it anymore and so I investigated...slipped pass to the confidential students file...

Turns out you got caught with a stupid car crash by some drunkard...your bike was unsaved...but you...you're still fighting for your life on the plain white crisp sheets that you lie on...

now my eyes are not shining anymore like how you said they were...they are too sad to glow to see you...i looked at your eyes...they're shining...happy i suppose to see me...it hurts to see you smile as i won't be able to see them again later on...With a language we know, you took me guitar and started strumming a song...

as the song starts you want me to sing...and so i did with a heart wrenching smile...

"the smile of your face lets me know that you need me,there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever i fall...you say it best when you say nothing at all..." and that was it...

See...sometimes...words don't mean a thing...he took my heart without saying a word...not a single word...rest in peace Alex...