ode of love

LOVE is always patient and current,
It is NEVER jealoused,
LOVE is NEVER boastful or conceited,
It is NEVER rude or selfish,
It does NOT take offence and it's not resentful...
:)

care me with your thougts...

today is a sunday...
Lame,lame sunday it has begun...
as i woke up in the morning realising that my "smarty pants" boyfriend had just flown to AUSTRALIA continuing his studies...
okay okay...
i got mad as i should be when you knew that your boyfriend would leave you for a hell-ong of a time and not telling you earlier so you could prepare for the worst and all...
i got mad...we fought...
he had no rights in winning any of our fight and he gave in...
and i dumbly asked for a break-up in which now i regret most...

as if the day gets any better,
that on a snowy morning such as this i had some extra volunteer working to attend to in my "beloved" high school's programme at the general hospital...
after some nags and "word wars" with mum...
i finally gave in when she used her blackmailing tactics of grounding me and stuff...veto authorities such as her would be better off in the politics than at home i reckon...

my pace on the snow became faster as the cold of the ice is really getting into my bones...
.............................................................................
here in the hospital i am suppose to assist all kinds of people...
kids, senior and if i'm lucky...teens such as me...
though they're not as uck as i am to be on the bedsheets being sick...

as if by fate, i did get paired up with a teen...
her name is michelle allison...
actually allison had been in and out of gh because of her third stage leukimia...
pity for such a beautiful brown-eyed, auburn haired girl with such petite latin likeness of her...
to be in such state...

whenever we're together...we would share our stories of our boyfriends together...unfortunately this time...i'm boyfriendless...
we started talking and when we came to the part of the bf thingy...
i broke down into tiny pieces...she was startled as if there's one person who should be crying it wshoud have been michelle and not me...
then michelle said...

"girl...we often shed our egos on the wrong people...and in my opinion...you should not be too hard on him...you should always give him another chance...always...
if you feel hurt at what he has done to you...remember the good times you had together...that always heals...
my freddy(allison's anonymous boyfriend)had been crying for days lately as how you you are crying now as he fears of the fact that i would leave him and the world soon...
he fears of the loneliness that would befall on him...
but,knowing this i want him to be strong for himself and also for me...
everyday i would tell him that i will always be alive in his mind and heart...

i believe the secret to our "everlasting" relationship was that we held on to these words...

"listen to me with your eyes,
touch me with your words,
feed me with your love,
and care me with your thoughts..."

and i think the last line is what he will do mostly after this..."


like it had been waiting for the moment...
a long-held teardrop in her eye...
an innocent teardrop fell like a piece of diamond on a pale-like angelic face of allison...running down her still rosy but fading cheeks down to her thin half smile lips...
in my head...with my eyes glued to allison...
i realise that love doesn't actually means that he had to see him all the time...
knowing all that he does by putting him right under your nose...
no...
that's not what love is...
loving someone means that you sometimes have to give him/her the space that he/she deserves
that includes studying and being away for a verrrrryyyy long time)

days pass by like the falling leaves in autumn...
slowly but, meaningful...

eventhough i still miss him today...and i know that somewhere out there...he misses me too...and i am not going to let him miss me alone...

p.s>>>R.I.P Michelle Allison Krest

truth in love

right...
now i feel awkward on my pen knowing that out there the down-right possibilities of the person i so loved...
is reading this blotch of writing(more like typing
UNBELIEVABLE...

Sometimes...I deliberately think and say quietly to myself...that i am a very straight,open-minded, the "who-cares-what-other-people think" sort of person...
but, deep down in me...
i know that, that is not who i really am...

to be honest to the world...
each and one of us are experiencing the same problem...
we tend to be "shy" and "timid" about expressing the love we feel...
in the name of fear of embarrassing the other person, or ourselves,we hesitate to say the actual words...

we try to communicate the idea in other words like "take care" or "hav a good day" or even "be good"...

but, really...thesea are just other words to say the sacred ILY...
Humans are really weird huh???
The only things we wanted to say and the things that we should say ,are the ones that we don't say at all...
and yyet...because the feeling is so real...we are driven to potray them in other words or signs to say what we really mean...
unfortunately for us....humans are no MIND-READERS...
and most of the time...the message never gets communicated and
...in the end the person would be left feeling devastated, unloved and unwanted...

sure...
at times...there are moments where both would accidentay blurt the word...
and confusingly say that it is "a friend sort of love to each other"...
NOTE OF REMINDER : DO NOT EVER DO THAT...
based on experience...it actually means that it would either...
dampened the hopes of ever getting together...
and finally...
both moving on...
if both of them are lucky...both of them would move on...
if not, one or both of them are going to be the most miserable people on earth...

truly, sadly, deeply, madly,
love is crazy thing that a human could venture...
and to be shy about that is definitely a regret in advance...

why do we believe...

Today as lame as it is...
As I facebooked(don't tell me your not addicted to it yourself)...
I had accidentally bumped into a sort of realization by reading some likekitty icon from a friends info wall...
it wrote...

"Why do we close our eyes when we pray? when we cry ? when we dream ? or even when we kiss ? Because we know that the most beautiful things in ife are not seen, but felt by the heart..."

In some ways, deep in me, I bet that a majority of you would agree...
What you see can be quite deceiving...

people keep on saying to see is believing...
but for me...
what i feel is much true than what i see...
like faith with god...
like the feelings we feel...
like the wind that brushes through our hair on a windy day...
all of them are not to be set with the two pair of eyes...
but, with the smalls gestures of our hearts and mind...

just imagine...we see all these world-liness with our eyes...
then, all of sudden we close them...
we see nothing...
it's pitch dark...
and we keep on thinking we're alone...
but, that's wrong...
'cause in times like this would make us open our minds that the connection of us with god and also our own feelings are the only thing that's left...

with that i end this with a spill of thought...

our eyes see what is only in front of our eyes...

but, with our hearts we see more than the world could ever offer...

i'm :)

today apparently i had this late nite tv-watchin...
not something my mum would actually approve...
but, i have no regrets at all as it was like soooooo nice,romantic,sweet and a must-see episode...

the story was a series sitcom

...WIZARDS OF WAVERLY PLACE...
third season-episode 28 (alex saves mason)

it was about this witch girl named ALEX whose boyfriend named MASON being spellbound becoming a very furry alaskan wolf...

(he was cute in any which form he is though)

then after some hitch and bounds they manage to find a way to shift him back to his human form...

the first try was kinda unsuccessful as they missed out just one teeny tiny instrument called an...idk...
turning MASON into a somesort of werewolf with fur on the eyelids...

that's when the whole drama starts...
ALEX was kinda,sorta,but really actually feeling a bit awkward bringing him around...
she even decided to masks on wit newspapers wit eyeholes cut out so that nobody sees them...
when the truth finally comes out...ALEX accidentaly spilled the beans on her embarrassment on her BEAU'S looks...OBVIOUSLY...if I was MASON...i would be hurt too...so he went out to the elevator on his way down and out of the party...

at that point, HARPER aka weirdo and also ALEX'S bestfriend forever made ALEX realize that

"it doesn't matter what people think of us...
cause what we think matters most...
at that point her love towards MASON goes beyond the meltdown accent and handsome-ity"

and at that, she magically went to the elevator apologized...
what happened next was sweet...
as then she accepted him just the way he is...
with or without hair all over...
though he did change back to his real HANDSOME DEAD DROP GORGEOUS FIGURE in the end...

what i learnt was that...

"true love does not see what's on the outside...
but what's deep down in the heart and that is what really counts..."

oxy morons in love are simply ingenius!

the topic of my today babbles are

oxy morons are definitely the best ways of expressing ur love in the most unforgettable way...

u don't believe me?

here's some proof...

heard of the song...

Hate that i love you by neyo feat rihanna?

well that's one example of it...
how can you hate someone you love?
easy...it's cause you want them to love you more than you love them...
see how both things actually contradicts and yet...
it means you still need that someone by your side without saying you want him badly till it hurts...
saying you love him so much that u think its best to hate him makes a whole lotta sense...
awkwardly true...

then, there's the song by eminem featuring rihanna the heartbreaking "love the way you lie"...
its a total masterpiece...

i totaly get it to feel like you are so mad at how the one you love is becoming the one person who picks us up when we're down only to serve their pleasure to hurt us once again...

and yet...
you like the fact that this is happening right in our lives...
love is an amazingly foolish attempt of intelligence...
HOWEVER...
the thing is...humans like you and me...
have a this keen common sense in us that starts with letter E...
YES...you guessed it...

it's

pathetically...it applies to both guys n girls...
that's why some are still left single in this world...
cheers to me too...as being single means i still keep my ego high...
but, sure...lucky 4 those who manage to find the "right one"...
back to the story, ego is the reason some things are

...just unagreeable...
...love unaccepted...
...prefering to say "sheesh, couples are sooo overrated"...
...and also the term "single is fun"...

honestly, i'm in that group...
and by confessing it, means i still think there's a place in this mad,MAD world for us few people...

a room to be not in the lovers category...a space to able to put a status on facebook as SINGLE...

looking in the mirror,
gazing at the calendar,
something tells me deep inside,
that it's time to take another step in reality and live my life as just the girl next door...

for those who wishes to continue being in love...don't stop doing it...cause there's also a part of the world that needs you too!

insomnia

"falling in love is when the girl of your dreams falls asleep in your arms and wakes up in your dreams..."

As days turn to nights, I constantly search to find the working remedy in order to mend a broken heart...
on all the stores I've been...not a single one sells heart glue or sticky tapes...

i think glues n stick tapes are useless maybe...

hmmph ...

guess the broken record tape in my head that keeps repeating, telling myself that i cannot miss you anymore now that you're gone is simply crap and eventually nonsense to my very intelligent conscience...

Never thought that this time would ever exist...
I noe i must be strong...and i must let go, since we cannot say anymore what our hearts must know.

One itsy,bitsy problem, my 132-IQ brain can't work coherently in harmony with my heart as the heart is stoned stubborn...
Yeah...Yeah...What you say is not what you actually feel...
The denial is hard...but accepting you is harder...
What is dear helpless me able to do?
this question is like a a chemistry paper 3 essay question...it's either that or nothing...

Second case, Sure...I could never find a way to erase the precious memories...How does one actually walks away from memories is still a mystery...To me, why don't we keep the nostalgia because perhaps they only live in our minds and heart ...

Right now,
what I think is best to do,
is close both eyes...
and pretend that it had all been over...
At least, that'll clear away any hopes between us...
Much easier for my brain to interpret...

Hope that this would resolve my insomniatic nights and sleepless dreams...
Bon nuit...

being more than friends? I dun think so...

Trust me...

Love is pain...
Love is full of hurt...

Looking at my friends...
How they seemed to feel so happy, on top of the world feel and then, ccrashed down...deep nose dive to the ground...
OUCH!!!
I dun take risks i suppose...so, I dun think I'll be in that situation
imagine:::

˙˙˙ʎɐʞo s,ʇı ʞuıɥʇ ı˙˙˙sı ʇı ɟı˙˙˙noʎ ɟo ǝsnɐɔǝq sıɥʇ sı˙˙˙pɐǝɥ ʎɯ uı ƃuıuunɹ suoıʇoɯǝ ɥɔnɯ ooʇ˙˙˙ǝʇısoddo ǝɥʇ ʎllɐʇoʇ ƃuıoƃ sı plɹoʍ ʎɯ ǝʞıl˙˙ƃuoɹʍ os lǝǝɟ ı op ʎɥʍ ʇnq˙˙˙noʎ ǝʌol ı

NO WAY, HOSE!
it ain't okay one bit...to me...call me a sceptic or whatever but, i guess i am...i believe that when you actually find the right one...they wouldn't make you feel like that one bit...sure it seems like fun for awhile...dangling on a string of thread that seems so thin and invisible...but, i bet ya that once you fall...it is definitely going to leave a scar and a memory of the pain FOREVER...

that's why they "fall in love"...not any other word fits best than that...

Okay...enough pessimisting for today...
i'm off to bed...no more waiting for your phone calls...i'm meeting my prince in my dreams...and let you dream of yours alone...LATER...

omg...its like a hit on the head!

blinded by love

tick-tock-tick-tock...

time passes by...

five years definitely went by...

like a blink of an eye...

and u...

u changed me...

how to say this...i think this analogy fits...

at first, indeed my everyday life was like the night,it was pitch-dark and cobalt blue...

but it wasn't that hard to see as my eye's night vision was constantly assisted by stars like friends and family,goals that i see was clear back then..

but i wasn't determined really,wasn't that confident in my own decisions...

then, u came along out of the blue, shooting across the sky like a BRIGHT meteorite...u aided me with light and brightness of LOVE that no one had actually shown me before...
and that made me really,really happy...

All of a sudden,
seconds after that u decided to leave...

to the other side of the horizon...

to shine at another part of the world...

moving on with your journey...

and now...
i'm alone...
i bet the sky is still the same starry sky...
i thought nothing's changed...
but, i was definitely wrong...
ur strong love that had sparkled my eyes now blinded my sight...
now, i'm lost...i see nothing...just total darkness...

p.s>i noe ur out there...but sorry...my heart is closed...as how my eyes are...

words are just words...

I'm beginning to believe that it is true as they say...A word is just a word 'till you actually mean what you say. Sometimes..I think the song "when you say nothing at all" by Ronan Keating is a total genius I tell ya...meeting you was like match made in heaven with the same passion and the same principle...definitely...I thought you were mine for keeps, but who are us to know what lies in the future...

Sorry for the late intro...My name is Diane...My joined-at-the-hip pals call me Deedee...my mom calls my Anne(as in she really wanted me to have traditional nicknames),both i don't like at all...not hating them...it's just that i like people calling me Diane...just like how u did...

Anyways...

It all started when my dear beloved working 24/7 businesswomen cum mother decided to enrol me in some Music class...As usual I am hesitant to anything that would actually bring me to the public civilization...sheesh...

Unfortunately, using her cunning expertise of blackmailing(can't find another nicer word to that)...She talked me into attending the lessons in trade for an Oreo ice blog for every classes that i go for...being helplessly naive to the grand sweetness of the yummy treat,The deal was made...

Here I am now...After a LOOOOOONNNGGGG 15 minute drive to YAMAHA music studio from home...

One thing...I like the fact that the air conditioning is functioning so I don't have to sweat to death with a six string dangling in my arms...though that would look totally classic...

Second...god! I could actually go deaf! Imagine a 20 ft by 20ft room packed with seven (just SEVEN) guitar enthusiast excluding the deserved being pitied tutor could make a whole lotta racket that could actually make Avril's concert to shame...ALL of them were contributing to the twang's except me...and sum other guy...

he seemed settled...not moving much of his guitars...unlike the hooligans here he ain't showing any air flips or posting a signboard saying "look at me"...

he's just minding his own business...and ...honestly,truthfully...I kinda like that...

I guess it wouldn't hurt if I said hi...And it didn't, a short hello and he smiled as if a child had been given his Xmas present on a snowy morning...however...he just did that...nothing replied...feeling a little fish-out-of-water...I took a step away but halted surprisingly being grabbed at the hand...

I turned and like magic my honey glazed eyes got glued to those aqua blue iris of yours...signalling to sit...

and I did...which is the best choice making I had ever done in years!

Days pass...and close friends we had become...you are STILL the quiet you...Actually I have never heard u speak at all...even on the day that you asked me to be your girlfriend...it was all said and done by song...just the instrumental piece by Bruno Mars...and a necklace that engraved the word A...for Alex i suppose...

How I missed saying your name...I really do

Downright on the 16th of march 2006 I decided to play u a song I composed especially for your birthday...I know you loved all of the songs i write because of me...not because they sound nice...and that what makes them special...Alas, I was disappointed as you didn't attend class on that particular day...and the next...and consecutively for five days...

My enquiry nature cannot stand it anymore and so I investigated...slipped pass to the confidential students file...

Turns out you got caught with a stupid car crash by some drunkard...your bike was unsaved...but you...you're still fighting for your life on the plain white crisp sheets that you lie on...

now my eyes are not shining anymore like how you said they were...they are too sad to glow to see you...i looked at your eyes...they're shining...happy i suppose to see me...it hurts to see you smile as i won't be able to see them again later on...With a language we know, you took me guitar and started strumming a song...

as the song starts you want me to sing...and so i did with a heart wrenching smile...

"the smile of your face lets me know that you need me,there's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me, the touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever i fall...you say it best when you say nothing at all..." and that was it...

See...sometimes...words don't mean a thing...he took my heart without saying a word...not a single word...rest in peace Alex...