the love of my life

it's always been about me, myself and i...

i thought relationships are nothing but a waste of time...

i never wanted to be any other's other half...

i was happy staying alone though it wouldn't last...

that was the only way to say that i love you...

My own ego had scorned me this time...

crap i tell you what love is...it bites you in the face..dangerous yet makes you want it more like a narcotic!

why didn't we just stick to the plan?

you and i...three months at your parents house for summer...until u can finally find a way to get back to your lovely "fiancee"

and finally the seal of the deal was that a whole lotta money...let say 6K...

DEAL!

that is more money that i would get by working at that diner across the street...

First day it was cool and all...

yeah...yeah...we had to look so "LOVEY-DOVEY"...

eew MUCH!

as far as i know...reality check...i'm a total sceptic in these romanticity thingy...

no yucky-love stuff for me, thank you...

but for the sake of dear boring all summer and humungous amount cash...

everything of me...my life...on hold...

apparently,you started it...

STUPIDLY...you accidentally became over confident of your "sweet and nicey" fiancee that you said to YOUR PARENTS you're going to bring her home for summer...

UNFORTUNATELY,you got caught up with too much work and made her tired of you,thus dumping you just before summer even begins...

EVEN MORE UNFORTUNATE...your parents are eager to see that "girl of your dreams" and yet, you're too chicken to tell them the truth afraid you might break their hearts....

LUCKILY...you met me at the bar...and knowing that i'm short on money and interest in any love life...and VOILA! you decided to hire me as your so called "fiancee"..for the whole summer only though...

no more..no less...

so, now...we're stuck here...

FYI...i don't date...well not anymore...

i guess self-esteem in being "with" guys are just not there anymore...

sorry not interested...

oh well...it's been a month perhaps...

i'm not sure...i lost count...

however...i think our acting had been really good cause your mum and dad including sarah and not forgetting bella the pomeranian doesn't suspect a thing...

our love game we're soo good, it's believable...

and for a minute or maybe a second there...i believed it...

anyways...

puh-leez...i ain't going to fall for no one...

especially you...

you're so...cliche...blonde...perfectly tanned and tonned and still look effortless of being it...

and i can't help to stare at those blue eyes whenever we fake kisses in front of everybody...

they are just so calm and soft and gentle like the waves of the caribbean beach...

and for that...

I HATE YOU EVEN MORE!

(that was IRONIC i know)

now it's the second month and somehow...we're still here...

i see that you have somehow developed a weird habit of laughing and smiling whenever i smile or laugh...

awkward...i noe we're just role-playing...but as i said..it was believable...

other than that, we seem to always be hanging out together...

well...most of them are because of reasonable reasons absolutely...

there's this once, everyone went to the beach and you preferred to stay to "CARE for me" caused i got this dumb leg injury (it's summer...a little walk at the forest backyard wouldn't hurt...and so i thought until i stumbled upon this huge toadstool, and end up being in this giant-sized pit)

by the way, you treated me nicely..which is weird but nice...

however most of the time we would discuss on tactics and strategies to win-back his ex-fiancee...

so, three months had past us by...and without knowing what we had...we went our separate ways...as we have always been...

it's been three months from the three months we had spent together...
seriously,you opened that lock of mine in my heart...to accept love,

to love and BE LOVED...

life is short i guess...

by the way...i received that invitation you gave me...

don't worry..i'll be sure to be there...

to witness the love of my life's wedding with the love of HIS life...

i will wait for you

o romeo,o romeo...wherefore art thou romeo?

hmmph...honestly i bet half the women in the world that are in the midst of being courted...or even wanting to be pursued by the person that she would love entirely...are all wishing hard to the twinkling stars at every starry night there is...

is it true that there is our romeo is somewhere out there?

l'espoir est ale d'un rêveur
(hope is a dreamer's ale)

and that is certainly and should be....the statement of the century...

but what if we did manage to find our "knight in shining armour"?
and yet...we let him slip away?
well...this is one perfect example of what happens when you're prince charming isn't looking at you as his cinderella...

it was a beautiful summer morning...the birds are chirping a wonderful melody waking all those who are still asleep and spreading joy to the neighbourhood....the sun was just perfectly forgiving...

it seemed to be going lovely...
since it is summer...mes parents had enrolled me in this literature class that i had been promised since my last birthday...

today is the day! the day that i have been waiting for...
since father is stationed to verona for the whole summer...
i had to go to the class by public transport;...in this case...i chose to ride the bus...

in there as i stepped in...the seats were all full...except for one...
the one next to some weird-looking kid...he got this raven black hair that sweeps over his left eye mysteriously, a curved up smile that looks more like a frown if you ask me...
at first, i hesitated myself from even coming closer to that peculiar being...
sooner than i thought my legs cramped and without a choice...i just had to take that seat...
he didn't seem to be annoying, nor is he pleasant...in fact, he doesn't seem to even bother that there is a living human being sitting beside him...
he was too busy looking blankly out from the window...
i know i might regret my next move...and badly i did...
i asked him,

"hi my name is JULIET...what's yours?"

like an eagle's glare at his next lunch...his piercing eyes shot at me,causing me to just zip my mouth shut for the rest of the journey...

i promised to my dear frightened self to never ever talk to him again...that also applies to guys of his kind...

anyways...now that i have arrived at my destination...there's no need for me to keep this enmity to this person...i believe that a clean and forgiving heart are always the happiest...

when i drop off right in front of the building...he went out too...
i can't help myself from thinking that he might be stalking me...
and perhaps later kidnap me and demand father ransom money in order to retrieve me back safely...
what if he doesn't have enough money and i am later slaughtered into 50 pieces and distribute every part to each state...
NO!
okay...perhaps i am exagerating a little...or a lot...well i cannot stop myself from being a drama queen, can i?

i calmed myself down...and pace myself to the door...he followed me in...
turns out all my dilly-dallying dreams are just a faux alarm that i created...
well...he is also a student there...he's sort of new here in the US...
so, he doesn't know much english...

despite all his appearance and all...he seemed to be a sweet guy...
nice and all...
contrary of how he is in the bus...
he seemed to be quite eloquent and friendly in his own ways...
he's french by the way...
and so, we became quite friendly together since i can speak french(thanks ma! the class is really much help now that i see it)
but one thing that excites me the most is ...because his father is an italian...his name is very,very italian-like...
can you guess what it is?
well...it is the name that goes perfectly with mine...

OUI!
(yes!)

the name that he carries is ROMEO...
now tell me...how many people in this world bears the name...believe me...the numbers are quite diminishing, despite the infidelity of the world towards the magnificent love story...

and to meet me...JULIET...in an ambience where we are strictly learning shakespeare's masterpieces...it's like as if...fate had somehow written it especially for us...match-made in heaven?

well it seems that it is all in my mind...or is it?

everyday...in the bus...we would be in the same seat as how it has been the first time...
except that now, we would be talking...
literature strictly...

"like how he agrees on why titania should be punished because of her ego..."
"how prospero was so cool having ariel under his command..."
"and also about his grief on why romeo killed himself when he found out about JULIET's "death"..."

the last one surprised me...as when he said it...he suddenly stopped and our eyes we're intertwined into a deep gaze...after a while he shook the trance away and calmly said that if it was him...he would at least live life  and not just let JULIET's "death" to waste...
he thinks that if he had thought differently...he might even get back his JULIET as she is not even dead in reality...just in a really deep slumber, thanks to the drug...

every word that he said somehow..makes me think that he might be realting this to us...
unfortunately it did not last...
after all the days that we spent together...
you broke my heart...
my heart went to shatter like a mirror breaking into a million pieces...

on that one thursday...how unlucky of me to look out from the class window when i shouldn't have...
if ONLY i can turn back time...

i saw you and KATHERINA...kissing at the park behind the building...

witnessed by the crimson and golden sunset...

how romantic, how stupid of me not to see that...

being an egoist and also a good friend...
i'm not going to say a thing and let that be his secret for me to keep...

years past by,
i didn't say i stopped hoping from that day...
i'm still waiting for my ROMEO,doesn't matter who or where you are...
tomorrow,tomorrow,tomorrow..
i would forever be true...
as constant as the northern star...

cause eventhough THIS JULIET would have to wait her whole life for her ROMEO to wake up from his sleep...
I AM willing to wait...

the pearls that are left

on a cold and dark night, with the rain pouring like cats and dogs...so gloomy the atmosphere was...and there... on the dull pavement...all silent and blue...

lies a set of pearls that are scattered all over the floor like how the raindrops are wetting the lifeless gray granite and tar grounds...

how did it get there?

Well...it all began with the guy...the guy who is called...Flick Anderson...

who is he? well he was the guy who was the talk of the town...being all so dashing and smart...handsome and with golden hearts...a dear thing that catches every maiden's eye...

with his charms he might get any girl or women that he desires...

but no he's not that of a kind that would be fooling around...womanizing with as many as he can...

he's a guy with strong principles to find the true love he may find...and cherish her with whatever she wants...not letting her down even for a second...

for he is a remarkably honest man who longs for true love...

he once said that he wouldn't mind that

"even if his love would show up when he is torn and gray...

for he knew that true love...
it doesn't count with age..just like how other powerful things in the world
are immortal..."

it happened to him that he didn't need to wait till his hair are silver lined as he found his "LOVE" through the usual fortnight ascott on that budding may on a delightful afternoon..

she was a petite girl with a heart-shaped face that blushes and blooms like a full blossomed rose...her eyes are like dew drops of the auspicious mornings..so fresh and blue...her manners are absolutely thriving as what he could observe...but most of all she has the most beautiful voice that could enchant everyone that hears her serenade...

and that immediately does caught his eye...and definitely no doubt his heart...

and for a few months it has been a beautiful love story in the making for both of them...

and soon after that a proposal followed through...

few weeks before the marriage is to taken place...

unfortunately for him...

his company met with a dreadful most terrible loss that somehow pulled his whole income and future life of him and of the one he loves down...

how tragic...

but not a single soul knows of this matter...it is only between him and the people that he made business with...

and just three days before marriage...

he still hasn't came up with the courage to put off the wedding for he fear that she might leave him (but on the contrary...she might understand...who knows)...

instead he chose to actually cover up all the loss he had...

and with that in such a short time..

as he was strolling down the empty street thinking of what he's going to do...he suddenly saw a white figure right in front of him who was waiting at the bus stop...

and she was alone...

with her she wore this really huge pearl necklace...

judging by what he sees...

that pearl necklace is worth a couple of grands the least and with that he might fix things up a little...

he slowly naturally....paces towards her and...

SNAP!

pulled the necklace from her neck!

the lady screamed in pain and tries to pull him down with a few blows of her purse bag...

unfortunately for the girl...

with just one force as his reflex to push the person aside...she hit on the brick wall behind her and fainted...

"did i just kill her? oh no...i think she's still breathing...it's okay if i leave her i think..."

and off he went...

feeling a little awkward of what he has done...

he stopped and look at the crime that he had done on his hands...

those pearls are so valuable...so moneyworthy and somehow so familiar...

as he pay attention closely to the small locket attached to the string of pearls...

it says

"to my dear AMBER, love FLICK"...

tick-trick-tick-trick..

falls the string of pearls on the soulless damp ground...

these pearls are the ones that he exact ones that he proposed to MARIA AMBER...

THE maria amber...

the LOVE of his life!

OH MY GOD...

ashamed of what he did...the pearls are all left unattended...as he rushes to AMBER...

racing through his mind is definitely undefined...

he was confused, frustrated,irritated, and disgusted of what he did....

he would not even dare to say NO to hurt fear of she might be hurt, let alone hurting her with unimaginable violence as what he just did...

now in the pouring rain..she lay there...so tranquil like...not a sound...

"is she dead?"he questioned himself...

"did i just...no i didn't...did i? did i kill her?"

as his steps draws him closer to her...

he cannot bear anymore thoughts in his mind to utter a single word...

he kissed her faint pale lips...hoping that his true love's kiss would awaken her as how those that in fairytales did...

but she didn't...

she's DEAD..

.

he cried, and cried as how the sky is crying to...

the ambience was too sombre and in despair...

as if it was destiny, his heart suddenly stopped beating...

the pressure he felt was too much that he caused his own death...

well...

i suppose his heart wasn't even there anymore...

it followed amber back to heaven...

and now his soul is following her, too...

a love like juliet's

Doubt thou, the Starres are fire,
Doubt, that the Sunne doth moue:
Doubt Truth to be a Lier,
But neuer Doubt, I loue.

shakespeare's piece of ode from hamlet is a simple treasure yet unimaginably divine...


it holds a huge meaning...
forever can we doubt and deny everything or anything in the eternal universe...but not even once crossed through our little minds to doubt the one we love...


here in the middle of the crisp night...accompanied by stellars...and the gleaming moon glow...
i waited for you...
you called me this morning...
saying you had something important to say...i don't know...
perhaps you had finally gotten two tickets for both of us to watch ASTON VILLA as how you promised...(you did promised it right?)
or maybe, you wanted me to get me all straighten up about who threw the salad first on cafeteria...(well it seems like it was me but it was david...he started the food fight and i got the blame..."just great!")
or probably, you just wanted me to help you out with those maths crunches...or those "amazingly" difficult science theories that you never manage to stuff in that little brain of yours?


whatever it is...you better come quick...it's now like eight or something...my curfews at ten...and i ain't going to waste petty time waiting for you here,leaving me in the cold...
ARE YOU LEAVING ME IN THE COLD?


oh well...never mind that...anyways as the time feels like it's been years...5 minutes had passed by...
i worn out of energy to stand up...so...i lied down on the floor...facing the stars...
this reminds me of the days when you would connect the stars and make some constellation of yours...none of them are listed you know...who has the giant duck? i bet there's a bear and a huge scorpion...but A DUCK?
you are officially a nutcase...but you're MY NUTCASE...so i guess that's okay:)


as i'm wasting life away on the dewed lush meadow of the park...
my mind continues to ponder on possibilities...
what if...you came to tell me...that you're now busy with your football practices that we would not be able to walk to school anymore?
what if...you're telling me that you got bored of me outsmarting you in class?(well it is not my fault that i studied and you didn't!)
what if...you're going to say you're moving to some place else?
what if...you say...that you're going out with someone else and eventhough we have been best of buds since we even know how to make friends you're afraid that she might get jealoused and you want me to move on and find another bestie to hang out with?
i know you've always said LEA the front cheerleader was hot and all..i didn't think you would ditch me for her...eew much!
or...
what if...YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE?


heartbeat racing from 93 to118 perminute and fast!
god i need him to be here...i don't want to lose him...
what if he's not even coming...he's really going to leave me here ALONE?


SUDDENLY!


*PAT*
soft pat on the shoulders startled me...almost caused my heart to skip a beat and could result in cardiac arrest...
phewh...then a familiar voice voiced out...


"hey jules! sorry i'm late...i was kinda stuck just now with..."
and without him finishing his sentence i turned myself around and grab hold of him...hugging the best hugs these two hands of mine could ever deal with in their whole entire existence...


"it doesn't matter..."
reality checking for a moment...why in a world am i hugging him?
releasing him whilst trying to make sense of it all...
"now that you're here...what is it that you wanted to tell me?"


looking into those dark eyes...i can never tell what dirty little secrets they hold...


"here's the thing...you know about those tickets i can't get them..."you said
"shush...don't say a word...it's okay...who wants them anyway" explained dear old considerate me
"well if you say so...but that's not why i'm here...i called you cause i...i...urm...i",you stuttered
impatiently being a little temperish and annoyed easily i am...i accidentally scared your wits out when i screamed "CAUSED YOU WHAT?"
and then you finally got it out of your system...
"I MISS YOU"


 those three words were weird and awkward...especially when it comes from you...
and well...i smiled...you stared into my eyes and said it slowly now...
"i really, really miss you"


the rest is history...i guess most of you can figure it out yourself...
after all that what ifs and mere and ridiculous thoughts of what you would do to me...
it turned out pretty well...

WHAT and IF are 2 words non threatening as words can be. Put them together side by side and they have to follow and want you for the rest of our lives. WHAT IF, WHAT IF. I dont know how a story should be ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it's never to late. And if it was true then, why not it can be true now. You need only the courage to follow your heart. I dont know the love like Juliet's, love to leave love ones, love to cross oceans for, but i like to believe, if I ever would feel it, that i have the courage to seize it...

owh and by the way...i still beat him in class _(~_^)_

forever your name on my lips

i still remember the look on your face...
when you whispered those sacred words for just us to know...
it looked all so real...and i believed


you told me you loved me...but why did you go?

i do recall now the smell of the rain that falls on the grass of the neighbourhood park..
at our beloved creek just next to where the love fairies dwell...
that night when you put your arms around me simply because you missed me...
i still hear your heartbeat goes frantic and calm at the same time...
like as if it's jumping out of your shirt...but i was too busy feeling your embrace...
i didn't bother to notice..
until now...

DO YOU STILL REMEMBER?

on prom night...?
you dropped by with your classic cadillac...
i really loved your handshake with daddy...
it's sooo honest and brave...
daddy has always been the OVERPROTECTIVE sort...
but, he went easy on you...
and while you waited...you put your hands in your pockets...
i know your nervous at that time..
but i had to look my best for you...

and when we arrived in school...you swiftly pulled me into the hall...
then,with your dashing charms and smiles you came in with the swing of your steps..
being the life of the party...
you're showing off again...
i wouldn't mind unless those girls aren't eyeing on you...
but they did...
on reflex, i rolled my eyes...hoping you would noticed...
and you did...
then the serenade starts...
you brought me to the dance floor...
you know i'm not much for dancing...but for YOU i did...

not sure if you noticed...
i've never had much to say...
because most of the time you would kiss me while i'm in the middle of saying something...
and then, you woud understand it later what i meant to utter...
now i really miss all those rude interruptions...

but things had to go wrong do they?

two weeks ago you left...
you had an accident...
god had to take your life away from me...
because i suppose he loved you more and got jealoused of us together...

so now...
i'll watch your life in pictures like i used to watch you sleep,
and i'll feel you forget me like i used to watch you breathe,
at times i call up our old friends just to remind me of how you were..
hope it's nice, whereever you are...

night and day i pray that we'll soon be united once again...
"forever your name on my lips" 

your guardian angel

i pray that you'll always be alright..wit or without me...i know you can manage in life...because whatever happens..no one can take me away from you...for my body is here...but my soul is in YOU...

i look closely at the sky...as how the sunshine morning les lumiere fades...giving in to the noirs night...i guess that is life...they give and take...

in this LOVE STORY...i can see none of those...because our life is our only...nobody could ever intrude and tell us what to do...at least that is what i think it is...

it all started as a simple high school sweethearts...nothing more...a mere fling...you mon amour, FARRELL ADAM, the school's heartthrob quarterback with dashing blonde hair and electric blue eyes that would make you feel like diving into every time you see them...and me,MINERVA ASTRID, a lovely, petite et mans girl with brains and beauty...
HOW PERFECT IT MAY SEEM...

unfortunately...sad as it may sound,all good things must come to an end...

on 31st september 2004, graduation came...everyone and all...said and done...goodbyes and thank yous...good lucks and congratulations...all except the two of US...you and me...

under the white willow tree that we often mark as OUR sanctuary and rendezvous...that's the first place that we met eye to eye...it's all thanks to TIANA, my crossbreed siamese-persian kitty cat...she went up the tree...what else would i do? thank god i could climb up the enormous tree...and as i careful cradle TIANA in my hands...i just realize..i cannot climb down!!! then u came along, offering help...out of the blue like a guardian angel...you caught me swiftly as i fell into your strongly build arms...you caught me swiftly, so effortless...
i knew exacty at that moment...
i did not only fall from a tree...
but also...
fall in love...WITH YOU...

too bad that we're going to put it all away now...
and move on with our REAL life...

even so, i told you..."MY HEART WOULD ALWAYS BE WITH YOU"
you smiled, and turned you face away(crying i hope)...

alone in this cruel world we went our separate ways...

i don't know what you do these past few years or how it had been for you...
but i know that mine went smoothly...after wonderful years in college i finally got my degree in cutting people up in the name of saving lives...or short for MBBS(bachelor of medicine and bachelor of surgery) or even simpler...i became a very wise doctor...very focused...flawlessly meticulous and no nonsense sort of person...i did not become a snob -NO!...i just sort of heartless and lack of emotions...cause my heart was left with you, remember?

definitely...reading from the last line above...you would have guessed that i have no love life at all...indeed you're partially correct...i did found love...however it's with my work...typical, i know right?

BUT MY LIFE IS ABOUT TO CHANGE FOREVER...

on 31st september 2011...after my usual sip of coffee and milk...
i went of to work only to find on my desk a new case under the name of FARRELL ADAM...

why does that sound familiar?

anyway, the guy has a

severe cardiac arrest in unstable angina

caused by what i might guess...a workaholic lifestyle as mine...

oh well...back to work i will...as i go for my first inspection to my ill patient...only to be surprised by what i see with my two hazel eyes...it was THE FARRELL ADAM...MY FARRELL ADAM...right away...i know that i cannot do this operation...i won't have the slightest bone in my body to hurt him, let alone stick my very sharp scalpel into his gentle chest...

as i back out from the ward...i went over to check whether any transplants are availale on this short notice...NONE...NOT EVEN ONE HEART IS AVAILABLE IN OUR TRANSPLANT BANK...

there and then...i know what to do...

three years had passed by so fast as how the wind kisses on our faint cheeks...autrefoir, your thoughts had always been in my mind...your scent lingers around me so often, even you we're so far away...but now i feel so close...so close that i could feel the beat of your heart day and night, as long as you are still alive...i will to...i did tell you did'nt i? that "my heart would always be there for you"?...i guess...some things are just so unexplainable...never mind...everything is fair in LOVE...

LIVE WELL MON AMOUR,you we're my guardian angel long time ago...and now..i am YOUR GUARDIAN ANGEL...but i might want back my heart, once your time on earth is done...make sure you come and find me to return OUR HEART back...

SIGNED,
your guardian angel

soulmates

Love is like snowflakes that melts in the palm of your hands...
they are excrutiatingly gentle to the touch...
retreats at the single presence of heat...
unfortunately...they seem to always leave you in the cold...alone...

till now i always make things out on my own...
i never really cared until i met you...
and now at times it chills me to the edge of my bones...
at times what made me feel so alone...
though you we're there...

it's true what we had between us we're simply just what i would say...an slight encountance...a brief company...a friendly departure...friends we are...and nothing more in thought i suppose to you...

however i am puzzled with myself...if you are only a friend...

why in a world do i keep on waiting for the calls that you rarely give...

the laughs that you vaguely pursue...
the harsh hurts right in the middle of my chest whenever you telling me of your lovely encounter with OTHER formal rendezvous of the opposite gender(nobody in particular)...

Jealoused i am it may sound...
albeit, i never halted you...not even once i denied my absolute joy on knowing you moved on...
odd it may seem...
i felt hurt...
and the chills kept on coming...
at times i thought i had a serious rare disease or something...peculiarly...the GP just told me to keep smiling...saying it is just a mere LOVE BUG away symptoms...

sounds treacherous ay?

oh well...whatever it is..it keeps on bugging me...
i still get restless nights...

loss of appetite

(though it works wonders for my diet regime)...
and some say...i sort of lost my charms and glow...

OH MY!

i better find a cure and FAST!....i don't think i want to end up as one of the ADDAMS FAMILY...if you know what i mean...

toodle-loo...gotta go now...please leave any suggestions once this is read...MERCI BEACOUP!